"Luggage," Baggage, Forgiveness, and Letting Go

So, last night, I was hanging out with my brother-from-another-mother Chuck and his wonderfully witchy lady, my good friend/future business partner Michelle Witchipoo (the artist of my "spiritual self" icon in this profile -- trust me when I tell you that this is just the beginning -- and that is all I will say at this point) when Chuck whipped out a DVD that his mom's "Bible study" class (I know, I know...keep an open mind, though...the story has a payoff) watched at their last meeting.

The title of the DVD was "Luggage" by a Christian preacher named Rob Bell.

You can see a preview of it here:

http://myspacetv.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoid=28803479

Now, certainly, the video had its flaws (not the least of which being the obvious metaphors -- "baggage" vs. "luggage," get it? -- the preacher who was trying oh-so-hard to be oh-so-hip to appeal to the faux-hipster kids in the Midwest, and the ending which just was way too friggin' obvious), but the message certainly wasn't one of them.

As someone who is nothing if not a VERY lapsed and cynical Catholic, I have to say that I enjoyed this video, and I encourage all folks of all denominations and spiritual paths to check it out.

For someone like me, that's saying A LOT.

Why do I recommend this video?

(1) Unlike some (OK, nearly ALL) "Christian" videos out there, this one does not distort the teachings of Yeshua ben-Yusef (Jesus). However you view Jesus -- avatar, bodhisattva, Deity, Son of God, the Light of the World, Rabbi, Teacher, philosopher, figment of imagination -- you have to agree on one thing: his message was one of peace, love, and forgiveness. (Too bad his followers didn't get the memo, but that's another story...)

Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?" Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times. (Matthew 18:21-22)

(Mind you, this didn't mean "kick his ass on the 78th time" -- Jesus, like many rabbis of his time, was versed in numerology; seven was thought of as the number that symbolized "infinity." So what He's saying here is, "not infinity, but double infinity." Or, simply, always forgive your enemy.)

The message was just that in "Luggage" -- Jesus tells us to forgive. Maybe we should listen?

(Would it be that all potential Teachers, Rabbis, Gurus, and so forth would learn than true Divinity isn't found in speaking in complicated words that they clearly don't understand, but in listening and learning the simple message...)

(2) "Luggage" didn't assume that every person watching it was an insecure idiot, waiting with mouths agape to be indoctrinated with some twisted and erroneous view of the Teachings of one of the world's greatest Teachers. Instead, it simply stated the message, and allowed the viewer to take with him/her what s/he wished, exclusive of belief (or lack thereof).

While I know full well that there are plenty of Christian sects and evangelicals who DO practice that sort of "indoctrination" (whom I have no tolerance for), I have to give credit to Rob Bell for his respect for all people of all beliefs...something that, say, Jesus would have done, c'est non? (Imagine that...)

As an aside, I went to Rob Bell's website in my research -- turns out he's just a simple man, leading a simple life in middle America, as a preacher, with his wife and two boys. And wouldn't you know it -- no long, rambling blogs on his website with pompous "declarations" and cyber-dick-stroking (sorry, but there's no nice way of putting that); no proclamations that HIS Way is THE Way -- or even that JESUS's Way is THE Way; no judgement or discrimination or venom or railing out against people who disagree with him.
Imagine that.
How refreshing to see in a world full of self-stylized hatemongers passing off as "messengers of God" and narcissistic megalomaniacs who are one breakdown away from Charlie Manson passing themselves off as "living Deities."
Imagine -- someone simply teaching a message, and living the life his Teacher taught him to lead. 

I nearly cried. No, really, I did.
I've had to bear witness, lately, to some of the most disturbing videos and testimonials from former cult members of all types of denominations -- and regardless of the denomination, the one thing each cult survivor had in common was they were subjugated to the most base, depraved actions from a so-called "teacher" -- a wo/man whom they TRUSTED with their very spirits, their money, their mind, even their way of life -- whose trust was rewarded with everything from physical/mental/sexual abuse to bankruptcy to, in some cases, the suggestion that they "kill themselves." 

What was it His Holiness said about this sort of thing? 
Oh yeah...I remember: "We must therefore develop a sense of responsibility for each others condition, we must see that hurting someone else, or inflicting pain on other people, cannot bring happiness or peace of mind."

More simply: "If you can't help people, at least don't hurt them."
I'll take his word over the words of a wolf in sheep's clothing, thanks.

But, kudos to Rob Bell, for his ability to teach without judgment, to exhibit kindness and strength at the same time, and to hold firm to his beliefs without condemning others in the process. Whether he knows it or not, he is truly one of the enlightened ones.

Coming from a cynical, lapsed Catholic/practicing Pagan with Buddhist tendencies, that's saying a lot.

---

So let's go over what "Luggage" taught us (while using obvious metaphors and formulaic acting -- facts we will ignore for this blog, because he wasn't submitting the video for Cannes -- he was trying to reach some people he felt needed to be reached).

Some people have small hurts; some have big ones.
It's the difference between a spiritual paper cut versus a spiritual Buck-knife-inflicted gash.

(Trust me -- you're talking to a woman who's had more than her share of the latter -- more often than not inflicted by those whom she trusted and loved most. But I guess that's the only way for that to happen, isn't it? We can only hurt the ones we love, or the ones who love us most...)

But here's the thing: all cuts, all wounds -- regardless of how deep -- heal.
The question is, do they heal properly?
Well, sure...and there's been countless debates on the proper way to deal with those wounds so that they "heal" properly. A spiritual cut isn't quite like a flesh cut -- which can be solved with anything ranging from Band-aides to stitches, even staples depending on the length, depth, and location of the cut -- in that there's no one set way to deal with it.

Sometimes, when gashes heal, they leave a permanent scar -- leaving us unable to trust again, love again, and a hodgepodge of other "issues."
Sometimes, when gashes heal, they leave stronger tissue in their place -- turning us into warriors, fighting for those who were/are as vulnerable as we once were.

Bell, for his part, says that the way to achieve the latter is through forgiveness, like his Teacher Jesus taught His followers. "Don't insist on getting even," said Bell, citing Romans as proof that "God will take care of it."

But here's my question: how does God "take care of it"? We have examples of the Christian God being everything from vengeful to kind and fatherly. Which side of Himself does He show against the sinner? And if He shows the former side, why is it OK for Him to do, but not for us?

After all, there are men currently sitting in prison who have raped, tortured, and murdered children. Why are they still allowed to breathe while these innocent lives ended -- at their hands, no less? How is that "justice" or "God taking care of it"? What -- the kids that got killed get wings in Heaven? Yeah...makes me feel better. And I'm sure it makes their grieving parents feel just dandy. [/sarcasm]

But I think, too, that this is where Christianity falls short: Christianity -- TRUE Christianity -- is based on the concept of living a life of forgiveness, but their forgiveness implies that karma does not exist.

(As proof, I offer you a seemingly silly example: when, in my senior year of all-girls-Catholic high school, we were told to put together a ballot wherein we had to put five choices of "senior songs," I was told that my choice of Instant Karma by John Lennon would not be eligible for selection because, "Catholics don't believe in Karma." At the time, I just liked the idea of all of us shining on like the Moon, the Stars, and the Sun ("Pagan concepts," as I was informed by Sister Mary Pain-in-the-Ass)...and we ultimately went with the less inocuous, more-encompassing These are Days by The 10,000 Maniacs. Given some of our other choices, I suppose it could have been worse...and Natalie Merchant-era Maniacs was pretty good...)

So, if Karma -- which we learned yesterday is the net sum of all actions -- doesn't exist, how, then, are we held accountable for our actions...good or bad? How, then, do we learn our place in the Universe -- how, then, do we realize that our existence can either cause great joy or great pain, depending on the net sum of our actions?
That's the problem -- Catholics/Christians can't -- and that's why so many of them think revenge is the best option.

Bell posed the question, "When you take revenge, aren't you saying to God, 'I think I can handle this better than you'?" I say, yes, as a matter of fact, I am -- and I can, because if you think the threat of "eternal damnation" is going to work on someone (say, a cult leader) who performs horrific acts on a daily basis (say, swindles money out of his devotees and forces them to live a life of poverty while he lives the life of Riley) and reaps the benefits on this Earth, you are sadly mistaken, Reverend.

Besides, he doesn't even believe in your God -- why would your AntiGod scare him? Please! Like some construct of a red man with horns and a pitchfork is going to work on someone clinically diagnosed with Narcissistic Personality Disorder -- he'd probably get to Hell and tell the Devil to get off "his!" throne!

That said, Bell does raise the issue of what carrying a grudge -- and executing revenge -- does to the person holding the grudge and plotting the revenge. And it ain't pretty.
And on this point that he makes, I do applaud him.

Because, he argues, forgiveness isn't about setting the person who wronged you free -- it's about setting yourself free.

---
If you can indulge me a personal story...
About three years ago, I was working with a band (local, NYC-based; chances are the vast majority of you haven't heard of them, and given what they sound like these days, you're much better off), helping them out with bookings and promotion and the like.

In so doing, I met one of their "fans" (okay, GROUPIES) who deemed me a threat from the minute she met me. She tried to pass herself off as one of my "friends" (I saw right through her from the get-go, though I didn't let her know it at the time -- I just gave her enough rope to hang herself) while acting like the paranoid, pathetic, psychotic loser that she truly was.

Without going into extensive detail (becase she's not the point of this story, much as she'd like to believe that -- despite Galileo's findings -- the Earth revolves around her), at first, she started doing inocuous, childish things (i.e., MySpace hatemail, tantrums at shows, Evil Death Stares to innocent girls who hit on "her Boo" -- the lead singer of this band), which I just dismissed as Typical Groupie Bullshit (when you've been in the music business for as long as I have, you become cynical about these sorts of things).

When that didn't work -- when that didn't get my attention -- she started upping the ante.

She physically assaulted girls at shows (never me, mind you -- I'm not a violent person by nature, but I DO have a black belt in Kenpo and have been trained in other martial arts -- DO NOT THINK, for even a moment, that you can physically attack me and not expect me to defend myself -- I DARE those self-appointed "teachers" who assault their students to try to pick their hands up to me. Call your lawyer now, bitch!).

She hacked into the band's MySpace page (I know, I know) and deleted/blocked girls she saw as a threat (and usually sent them off with nasty, venom-filled e-mails purportedly from "the band" -- THAT, I WAS at the receiving end of -- which, looking back on, perfectly demonstrated her weakness, her failure to reason, and her utter lack of intelligence). 

At one show -- most embarrassingly -- which was the band's showcase for several major labels (even their lawyer showed up), she literally bawled her eyes out the entire show, flailing and wailing as though she were at her mother's funeral,  all because "her Boo" told her not to take photos that night (yeah, because Gods forbid he should look professional...).

But there was one thing she did do to me that ended up costing her a LOT more than she bargained for -- and I know, full well, that if she could go back in time and change that action she did to me, she'd do it in a heartbeat -- and that was, after she tried to steal a photo of mine (i.e., claim credit for an award-winning photo that appeared in an NYC Fashion Week exhibit), she sent me a nasty, venom-filled e-mail wherein she attacked my two-year-old (at the time -- he's nearly 5 now) nephew and my dead grandmother.

Reagrdless of their relationship to me, both are defenseless, unable to defend themselves, and undeserving of any of her wrath (or anyone else's, for that matter).
 
And if there's one thing you NEVER do in my presence, it's attack a defenseless being -- because I will call upon every Astral enforcer to make you wish you'd never even heard my name. Samsara is the least of your problems if you hurt a defenseless being and I find out about it.
 
To make a long story short, because our Rhodes scholar sent this diatribe in an e-mail, I was able to isolate and trace her headers. Aggravated harassment over the Internet, especially at the level she was doing it at (trust me, it was a lot more than attacking a baby and a dead woman -- she was e-mailing other girls in other states, putting it in Federal jurisdiction), was a pretty hefty charge. Not to mention, her deliberate copyright infringement of my work was going to cost her a very hefty $150K if I chose to pursue it in court (when I threatened the suit, through lawyers and Internet vigilante groups, she responded by immediately filing for Chapter 13 bankruptcy -- which was all the proof of guilt that I needed).

All that, though, was just the latest in a series of decisions, actions, thoughts, and words this "woman" put forth in an effort to cater to her obsession.

What ended up happening to her -- and trust me, if ever you wanted to see a living example of a pathetic life, this woman is it -- was tragic in and of itself: all I asked of the Universe was that she be given only what she deserved -- no more, no less.
Apparantly, the net sum of her actions -- her collective Karma -- was tragic indeed: her life is a virtual wasteland, without purpose or meaning, without true friends or people who love her, without respect from the very people she wanted so desperately to be accepted by.

And the upshot/moral to the story?
Despite all she'd done to me -- and everyone else -- I couldn't find it in me to seek revenge. I couldn't find it in me to display hatred towards her (if only because she was unworthy of my contempt). I couldn't find it in me, through countless blogs and talks trying to make sense of it all, to do to her what she'd done to me (and countless others), even though it could be argued that it was exactly what she deserved.
 
Through a third party, she sent a message of apology to me -- to which I responded that there was nothing to apologize for, because there was nothing to forgive. I responded that there was nothing to forgive, because what she did wasn't sinful (even though that was her intention) -- what she did was pathetic, and worthy of pity, which is infinitely worse because it turns the aggressor into the victim and forces them into the prison of their own warped conscience.

And with that response, I was free from all she'd done -- and she was placed in the prison known as her wasteland of a life for as long as she draws breath on this Earth (and, who knows, maybe even in her next life, too -- though I do pray that she doesn't go through that. I do pray that, at the very least, she thinks about the net sum of Karma before she does something out of obsession or ego...). 

---
There have been plenty of times, along this path that I call my Life, that I have made mistakes (be they deliberate or unintentional). And in those mistakes, I did hurt people (though THAT was unintentional -- but it doesn't make it right). 

And there have been times that I have had to ask for forgiveness, and I've done so with tears in my eyes and a huge, sticky lump in my throat -- not out of wounded pride, but out of genuine regret for doing something that hurt another person in the process (and this was even BEFORE I became Pagan with Buddhist tendencies, and "aware" of my place in the world and how my life affects all things...).  

And there have been times that I feared I'd never get forgiveness -- I didn't deserve it -- and got it anyway, with no conditions except open arms and truth of heart.

I'm sure that's happened, in different capacities, to everyone here.

If that's the case -- if you've been forgiven, even once, for doing something wrong, especially when you felt you didn't deserve to be forgiven -- what gives you the right to not repay the favor in kind? To not set the balance of the Universe in order? Who are you to judge anyone -- who are you to decide who deserves forgiveness, and who doesn't?

These are all point Rob Bell raises effectively...and though I am not a Catholic, or a Christian, I have to say he is right.
And you don't have to be Catholic, or Christian, to know he is right -- you just have to be aware. You just have to be Human.

***WARNING: SPOILER ALERT*** At the end of the film, the woman who was carrying the "Luggage" -- the big, heavy, unwieldy bag -- around ends up dying. For me, what I got out of that was, she died with hatred in her heart -- bound by the chains she placed around herself because of wrongs committed against her -- wrongs she could have been released from had she simply realized that, in releasing the hurts to the Universe and allowing the "sinner's" (for lack of a better word) net sum Karma to reap its rewards (or sow the consequences) and take what happened to her as a mere Learning Experience.

Instead of growing from it, she shrunk from it.
And that's the tragedy.
That's what we need to avoid.
That's what prevents us from truly being Free (Enlightened, Aware, Unbound by Samsara, whatever you want to call it).

"May you forgive, as you've been forgiven. May you give to others what's been given to you. May you set someone free and find out it was you. And may you do it today, because you might not have the chance tomorrow." -- Rob Bell